Question:  My 10-year-old daughter’s been the victim of cyberbullying. Someone created a Facebook page using a variation on her name, using a photo of a dog, and several others have chimed in, using false accounts, with mean and insulting comments. She’s been sent hateful e-mails directing her to this page, and is now refusing to go to school. My husband insists she go to school with her head held high, but when she goes, she comes home crying, saying everyone’s laughing at her.

Answer:

Cyberbullying can be more malicious and damaging than traditional bullying, at least partly because of the anonymity. Your concern is valid, because targets of this kind of bullying can feel humiliated and embarrassed, and become demoralized and depressed. The bullies feel safe, and others jump on the bandwagon, confident they won’t be caught, often feeling that it’s just a bit of fun.

One of the worst effects of bullying is to make the victim feel helpless, so help your daughter take some control of the situation. Ask her to make a log of the harassment, including copies of offending e-messages, and dates, times, and instances of the Facebook postings. Set up a meeting with her teacher and school principal. You and your husband should go with her to the school, with the log, and with the objective of discovering the culprits if possible, and stopping the bullying.

Some of those who jumped on the bandwagon in your daughter’s case were probably doing it for a bit of fun, or in order to be part of a group activity. These kids would be horrified to realize the effect it’s having on her. A cyberbullying awareness campaign at your daughter’s school can help stop this bullying, and prevent it happening again or to others. That awareness campaign should include helping all students understand that—as with face-to-face bullying—cyber-bystanders are part of the problem unless they stand up for what’s right. Anyone who condones bullying behavior by laughing, contributing negative comments of their own, forwarding information, or just being silent, is complicit in the abuse.

There is also a role for police involvement. Officers can be invited to the school to help educate kids (and teachers) about the issues, including the seriousness of bullying; the impact of online offences; provisions of the law; how and where to report offences such as stalking, harassment or threats; and how to engage in safe online behavior to pre-empt bullying, prevent it from getting out of hand, and deal with it when it happens.

Other strategies that increase awareness of cyberbullying problems include posters, online resources posted to the school’s website, presentations from experts, and student discussion forums. School-wide anti-bullying campaigns can increase everyone’s awareness of the problem, and send the message that bullying will not be tolerated, no matter what form it takes.

Your daughter needs to know there are people—at school, in the community, and most importantly at home—who can and will assist her, that there are concerned adults who will make every effort to stop the cruelty, embarrassment, and abuse.

There are lots of great resources out there. For more information:

Cyberbullying Research Center: www.cyberbullying.us/resources.php

Thirty blogs about stopping bullying: http://www.fulltimenanny.com/blog/30-blogs-featuring-the-best-advice-on-stopping-bullying/

Ten psychology studies that shed light on the nature of bullying: http://oedb.org/library/beginning-online-learning/10-telling-psychology-studies-on-the-nature-of-bullying

Carrie Goldman’s book, Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear. For an excerpt:  http://www.alternet.org/bullied-what-every-parent-teacher-and-kid-needs-know-about-ending-cycle-fear