I once over-heard a U-13 club soccer coach in a heated discussion with a mom. “I know I’m not a good role model, but your shouldn’t move Johnny to another team. No one else can teach him the skills I can.”

 

 

 

 

I’m sure she decided in that moment to move her son from this man’s field of influence. When it comes to club or recreational sports, parents seldom put up with a bad coach for long.

We don’t have that option in school sports. We’ve all seen video showing Rutgers University basketball coach Mike Rice engaged in abusive behavior. As scandalous as it was, the fact that a school coach could get away with outrageous behavior probably didn’t come as a huge surprise to some parents.

In high school (and college) sports, if our kids want to play the sport, we don’t have the option of moving them away from an abusive coach. Anything less than “sucking it up,” will result in less play time or worse—being cut. That sets the bar of “unacceptable” pretty high. Coaches’ behavior has to be fairly egregious for kids to decide to leave the team.

Of course, these coaches are the exceptions. There are many great, dedicated coaches that don’t deserve to be painted with the same broad brush—they probably don’t even deserve to be included in the same art studio, if that’s not begging the metaphor too much. I also must state that I have great admiration for my son’s high school tennis coaches and have no qualms whatsoever about the time he spends under their instruction and supervision.

Neither am I talking about coaches who, try as they might, are simply not good at producing winning teams or teaching skills. I’m referring to coaches that step over the line to injurious words or actions.

In my experience, kids are ok with a coach yelling at them, especially if it is about something they can change—more effort, better pass, better footwork, use your head, get here on time, and so on. That’s often part of the coaching equation. Encouragement isn’t always gentle. However, some coaches disparage, insult, and belittle students. They don’t look out for their player’s safety—playing them with concussions and other injuries—much less their emotional well-being.

Far fewer parents than you would expect actually complain to schools about a coach. Some are reticent out of fear of repercussions. The quintessential teenage dream is playing on a varsity team. If parents complain, kids can be benched or cut. Dream over. Sadly, others buy into the idea that coaches get a pass.

What’s more appalling is the fact that many schools do not hold their coaches to the same standards as other staff. Anti-bullying campaigns stop at the turf. Often parents believe their protests will be fruitless. I know of parents who have had just this experience.  “Sounds like sour grapes that Johnny didn’t get played enough.” “Sounds like Mommy needs to grow a tougher skin.”

Compare that to how it works in a classroom. First, teacher job descriptions are quite detailed, and teachers have extensive training. In contrast, some coaching job descriptions are as vague as “Must have knowledge of the sport and a desire to work with young people.”

If a parent informed an administrator that their child was singled out in front of the classroom and berated as the single worst performer, action would be taken. Likewise, if a parent reported that their child was referred to as complete expletive failure, the teacher would have to answer to that charge. Similarly, if I child in a classroom reported to his teacher that he felt like throwing up, he wouldn’t be told to “suck it up” and finish the test.

It’s time for schools and parents to call foul and ensure child safety in all activities and maintain a standard of excellence (or even benign meritocracy) that reaches onto the sports fields. Stop giving coaches a pass.

 “The words with which a child’s heart is poisoned, through malice or through ignorance, remain branded in his memory, and sooner or later, they burn his soul.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

© Laura Hedgecock 2013